13th September 2009

Went out Friday night to meet some people at a bar. First I went to a little bar with a male colleague/friend, then onto the Martini Bar to meet up with a large group of people, some of which I had met before but don’t know well. I met new people, two ladies from Sydney, [...]

26th January 2009

*sigh* well not much has changed. Love is so hard. He loves me and wants me back, but as much as I want it, I don’t feel its right. Something is not right enough for it. And it breaks my heart all over again.  Sometimes I am so consumed with emotions that I feel I [...]

1st January 2009

3am
I told him no today.  I just don’t feel it in my bones. But I have such deep feelings for him. If I knew it would be ok I would move heaven and earth to reconcile. But after what I have been through and all he has gone through, I just don’t know it would [...]

29th December 2008

Took the dogs for another walk and I also got up the courage to weigh myself – I have lost 0.5kg! Its weird how I find I can eat carbs and fat and still lose weight. I just can’t do it al the time.  If I do I put on weight. But if I have [...]

28th December 2008 He Wants To Reconcile

He wants to reconcile. Seriously. He cries and says I am the love of his life, that he misses his family, that he has lost everything that was important to him.  As you all know, I have always loved this man very deeply. But there is no doubt that he has hurt me beyond what [...]

27th December 2008

I’m feeling a bit lost. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I am unmotivated to do anything.  I feel …lost! I can;t belive I am saying that. But its how I feel. I don’t feel like getting out of bed. I don’t feel like doing anything. I wish I had my old life back [...]

20th December 2008

I am feeling horrible. I am angry and upset. I thought I was over this! Urgh! I was turning myself inside and out so thought I would write here.
I am so angry that I believed for 23 years this man loved me and would never betray me, let alone want other women instead of me. [...]

14th December 2008

So on the 6th of December I had my first date. It was very nice, he was a real gentleman and interesting.  We met at a seafood restuarant and later walked to place for coffee. The weather was nice so we sat outside for coffee. We got on really well but I knew in 30 [...]

My Poem

If only you could see the tears
In the world you left behind
If only you could hear how my heart
Cries out for what we had
Even when I close my eyes
There is an image of your face
But instead of dreams
Only nightmares come
My soul has died
Its keeping for the lonely
Since the day that you were gone
Oh why did [...]

I loved him too much

Yesterday my ex and I were having a casual relaxed afternoon and he told me he had been in a relationship with a lady he was living with. He stayed there with her because she had a spare room, but it turned into a relationship and she became someone very special. He moved out a [...]

5th September 2008: Happier than I have been in 2-3 years

Its been a while since I blogged. I have been insanely busy at work, working until 9pm and later some nights. I was juggling a project as well as my normal work and I never want to leave something unfinished. But it to a certain stage and on Monday this week I started handover to [...]

10th August 2008 – Sunday

I’m feeling quite good this weekend. I realised I had lost 5kg since early June which is so great. The loss is not noticeable, but I will keep going and then it will be. I should be much better for summer. My end goal is to be in the healthy BMI range and to have [...]

25th July 2008 Friday

Well I had a very busy week juggling my nomal role and my project but it was good to be busy. It was such a low week, sadness wise. I finally recieved my book from Amazon Rebuilding, when you relationship ends and it looks eally good. I gave it to my work colleague who is [...]

12th July 2008 Saturday: Feeling better in all aspects of my life

I feel good this morning. I woke with a bit of dread because during the week I ate when I thought I should not, and I ate more than I thought I should. But I didn’t eat badly, but I ate. so I thought I would be in the 96’s but I’m 95.2. So that [...]

29th June 2008 Sad Sunday

I’m having one of my low weekends. I’ve been sad. This morning I woke and missed my ex. I remembered how good it felt to lay in his arms. And I cried. Why did he have to change and ruin everything. We were so good together, had so much fun. I always thought in my [...]

26th June 2008 Thursday

I put on weight during the week which I was very dismayed about. It was TTOTM so maybe that accounts for something. Today I was back to where I should be, thank goodness. More on that in the weightloss section.
Its taking time to get used to the breakup, but I’m doing ok. Tomorrow is Friday [...]

21st June 2008 Saturday

The ex is picking me up tomorrow at 12.30pm.  I told him no, but he insists. He says have to talk. I tried to explain I need space and everytime I see him things get a bit worse, that I needed the weekend to myself. I know he wants to remain friends, and to see [...]